On Creating Space

To create implies some thing is made.  Cultivated.  Nurtured.  Generated.

Space implies room.  Openness.  Freedom.

Sometimes in life we have to create what we cannot find or what seems lost.  So often we get discouraged when our lives are lacking in something, and rather than do something about it, we settle with the status quo.

A little over a year ago I found myself lacking a space for ME.  I had returned to work after having my second child and my life revolved around kids, husband, work, house work, dogs…everything and everyone, except myself.

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I was sitting in our family room, watching the evening at home unfold around me and I remember looking at the clock to see how much time I had left until my kids went to bed.  I needed a countdown.  I needed to know how much longer I had to keep my eyes open and go through the parenting motions.  I was exhausted and I had no patience.  I hated how I was phoning it in with my kids and my husband, but I didn’t know how else to get through the night.

I went to bed exhausted and feeling like a shitty wife and mom.  I knew I needed to do something about the person I had become and the space I was operating in.  When I looked in the mirror I didn’t recognize myself, both physically and mentally.  I was going to my 9-5 in pants that didn’t button and completely lacking in confidence.

I was so uncomfortable with my life it was scary.  I knew I needed to make a change.  To regain my confidence and find the energy to make it past 6:30 pm.

I had a customer who had been inviting me to her workout class for over a year and now that I wasn’t pregnant anymore she asked me, once again, if I wanted to join her.  I said I would love too, but the timing was hard to manage with my kids.  She said perfect, you can download an app and do the workouts at home.  I have a Challenge Group starting with a new program in two weeks, do you want to join me?  I had NO IDEA what any of that meant (more on that another day), but in a moment of desperation, I said ‘what the hell’.

Two weeks later I spent my Saturday grocery shopping, my Sunday meal prepping and my Monday morning waking up at the ass-crack of dawn.  I had no idea that was the beginning of finding my old self and becoming the person I’ve been talking about being for so long.

So here I am, twelve months later.  Putting pen to paper with ideas, then fingers to keyboard to share them with the world.  Here we go…

-EM

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